Tuesday, December 23, 2008

For the man who has everything...

This is by far the most disturbing thing I have seen in a very, very long time - Burger King's new body spray, Flame... mmmm

Keep clicking on the "spray" button.. it just gets more frightening. Mmm... spray it! hahaha

Very clever little hoax... it is a hoax, right?

Monday, December 22, 2008

Cold weather conspiracy

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but it seems like the Chinese government has a magic weather switch. Yesterday was the first official day of winter, and like clockwork, this morning I woke up to sub-freezing temperatures and icy winds whipping at my frailly paned bedroom windows. Yesterday, I hardly had to wear a jacket. Tonight, I'm sitting in my bathroom to write because there are heat lamps and it's the warmest place in my house. My other option was crawling up next to my oven, but that would mean sitting on the cold tile floor. Eek. The weather in this place is crazier than Texas.

This is not a new phenomenon. April 1, seemingly 10 degrees warmer than March 30th... July 1st, another jump... and with all too perfect timing, September 1st began the cool down from the summer swelter, then October 1st it dropped 10 degrees again and fall was here. It was shorts weather one day and sweater weather the next. Seriously, I think the whole change of seasons thing has been genetically engineered somehow. I heard stories that they put something in the clouds over Beijing for the Olympics to guarantee blue skies, why not a little temperature tampering too?

Or maybe we all live in a bubble and there really is a light switch somewhere. Then again, I would hate to think that global warming has been brought about by some jackass who watched too many late night infomercials in the mid-eighties or has a penchant for the Home Shopping Network... clap on (clap clap)... clap off (clap clap)... and I have lost my mind once again...

Adventures in Christmas cooking

I bought a turkey this week to roast up for Christmas dinner for all us orphans stranded in Shanghai for the holidays. I am praying that I don't have another repeat of the India incident - I'm not sure I could handle that again. (For those who didn't have the pleasure of hearing this story the first time around... I picked my frozen-solid bird up at the butcher with head, feet and innards intact. I didn't realize the innards were still there until about 1 am the night before the bird was supposed to go in the oven. I spent the next three hours elbow deep up a turkey's ass trying to wrangle his organs loose from the walls of his body cavity. Then an additional hour removing the rest of the feathers with a pair of pliers. I heard rumors that the turkey was delicious, but I couldn't bring myself to eat any of it, as we had been just a little too intimate.) Anway, I have hope this year, as this bird came wrapped in plastic with no signs of additional appendages. I won't know for sure, however, until his little butt flap of skin thaws and I can do a little spelunking in search of the giblets. If they are still attached on the inside, then I am forever giving up turkey-roasting. Not kidding.

I've already started cooking for the feast. At the moment I'm waiting for the first batch of cornbread for the dressing to come out of the oven. I'll make one more before I go to bed. This is my absolute favorite part of Thanksgiving/Christmas dinners. The dressing. None of this white bread stuffing crap for me. It's all about day old cornbread, tons of celery and onions, lots of sage, salt and pepper... mmm. I'm making lots of extra so I can freeze a little for the rest of the year.

Tomorrow night will be for making pies and the dressing, and then I'll take a half-day off on Wednesday to cook the bird. We've got about 10 people coming over for dinner and I can't wait. We managed to finagle Thursday and Friday off work, even though they aren't Chinese holidays. I guess since the entire team threatened to call in sick, they decided to make a little concession for us. Aw. Isn't that nice?

I have also been knitting up a storm, finishing a baby blanket for Mama Mia's little one, two Christmas tree hats for my nephews, and a couple of other secret projects that I probably won't get mailed out until after the New Year... but it's the thought that counts!!

And on a completely different note.. I have posted photos of my trip up Kilimanjaro here, but have yet to write anything about it. The whole experience was so intense and challenging and excrutiatingly personal that I'm not sure I could ever do it justice in words. I hope you'll enjoy the imagery though. It's pretty amazing how the scenery changed from day to day - from rain forest to desert plains to moonscape. Simply beautiful. *sigh*

Anyway, I've got to go get the cornbread out of the oven. I wish the Merriest of Merries to you and all your loved ones. Ho ho ho!