Meltdown

I'm having one of those days. I'm half-sick (AGAIN) - well, more than half. Didn't go to class today. Stayed home instead. My head's been pounding and I can't stop coughing. Maybe if I'd give up smoking (AGAIN) it would be better. Grr.

Have you ever had so much work to do, and known exactly what you needed to get done, but found yourself completely paralyzed and unable to do any of it at all?? That's where I am. I am overwhelmed to the point of complete shut-down. Maybe it's pure panic, and if that's the case, it'll pass in a few days. Except for the fact that this has been going on for a week now. It's totally self-destructive to sit here and stare at the piles all around my living room floor and ignore them. But that's what I've been doing. The longer they sit there, the more urgent they become, the more stressed out I get, and the bigger the meltdown becomes. Why can't I do anything about this??? WHY WHY WHY? I dunno. I'm going to smoke on it now.

I did accomplish one thing today while lying around being sickly. I took out the trash. Only because it had started to smell. I'm pathetic. Boo.